Been spending most my life, living in a Foodsman’s Paradise

Golden Corral gets an easy 5-Stars. I can’t believe that it took so long for me to actually try one of these places. I’ve heard all sorts of nonsense from pinkies-out-food-critics about how The Corral is trash; FALSE. Here are three reasons why Golden Corral gets two fat thumbs up:

1. Cultural Inclusiveness: Whether or not you want to #StandWithAhmed, or really like building big walls, Golden Corral has something for everyone. Feeling a little “down-home”? Head over to the Louisiana Kitchen and try the delicious fried shrimp; you won’t be disappointed! Or maybe you’re adventurous enough to visit the Far East? Take a trip to the Great Wok and load up on some Sweet N’ Sour! 

As an active participant in the fight for Social Justice, I really appreciated the level of inclusiveness that we saw in the Corral. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t find one single micro-aggression in the whole establishment. They even offered foods specifically for the ladies, like Low Fat Froyo and a Chocolate Waterfall. Five Stars for being a progressive melting pot; keep it up, Corral!

This is true Pro-Choice Dining. If you want to put any of this into YOUR body, then its YOUR right. Don’t let all the cooky old men at the Surgeon General’s office tell you any different. If you want to double-fist some fried okra, than that’s your right as an American.

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2. Quality AND Quantity: Ever been to one of the so-called “high-end” restaurants? You know, those awful, and usually-French, places where you drop seventy bucks for a piece of beef that’s about the diameter of a pringles-lid? Well neither have I. But I’ve seen plenty of pics and read all sorts things about that on the internet, and I can assure you that the G.C. is NOT one of these places. 

The home-cut bacon tasted like it came straight out of a pig in the back room. The Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream rivaled Dairy Queen itself and even came loaded with all the toppings you could fit on it, which brings me to my next (and most important) point: the QUANTITY is completely up to you. No more portion regulation, or dividing up appetizers so everyone gets their “fair share”; you load the plate, YOU eat the plate. It’s that simple.

3. Price: It cost us only 8.75 a piece for a one-way ticket into the All You Can Eat heaven that is Golden Corral. So, essentially, for the price of ONE Chipotle burrito, you can eat your bodyweight in whatever you can dream up. There’s even a fine selection of produce in the “Greenhouse”, where everything was grass-fed, fair-trade, and, probably, conflict-free.

MILD CRITIQUES:

  • I could not, for the life of me, locate this famous Golden Corral steak that I saw advertised in signs. It was only when we were leaving that I saw one that said “Order Here”. Please make the steaks easier to find.
  • CATEGORIZATION: My boy, The Captain, suggested that they stop trying to disguise the French Toast as “Not Dessert” because you can definitely stick a piece in your ice cream.

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LADIES NIGHT CONTENT:

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One thought on “Been spending most my life, living in a Foodsman’s Paradise

  1. Are you seriously trying to undermine a Man’s ability to choose fat-free yogurt over full fat yogurt by saying fat free yogurt is solely for women?! Or that a man could not enjoy directing a hot flowing water fountain of chocolate right into his face hole?! This is just the kind of bigoted hate speech that is going to set America back another 100 years. #MensRights #WoodgrillBuffetdoesitbetter

    Liked by 1 person

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